Friday, July 9, 2010

Day 172: Investing

I made a big investment in my writing life this week.  I bought an iPad.  I feel like this will free me greatly to write on the go, out in the park, on my lunch break, when I'm traveling, etc.  I've never been an early-adopter of the latest gadgets, but this one seemed like something that would actually greatly improve my quality of life writing-wise, so I did it.  I'll let you know if it lives up to my expectations.

It's intriguing to me how much I have already invested in this relatively-new passion of mine.  I could probably tell you exactly how much money I've spent so far on my playwriting if I cared to pull out my tax records (I don't), but aside from this latest expenditure I've spent money on playwriting classes and on rehearsal spaces, costumes, props, and fliers for productions of my short plays.  I've also invested so much more than money -- how could I count the hours I've spent writing, creating these characters and the worlds they inhabit?  But even more than money or time, I've invested my hopes, my plans, my self in this endeavor.  I am putting such great effort into sculpting my life so as to allow me more freedom and time to write.  My biggest life goal at the moment is to have enough voice students so I can quit my office job -- largely so that I will have more time to write.  I plan my time off and my vacations, and schedule my time with my boyfriend and my friends, all while trying to figure out when and how I can write.  Writing has become my master.

How did that happen so quickly?  I only discovered writing plays about a year and a half ago.  How have I so whole-heartedly thrown myself into this thing that is so new to me that I scarcely feel I know what I'm doing?  Or perhaps I should ask why?

I'm sure one reason is that this feeling is familiar to me -- for many years I was even more heavily invested in my opera career than I am currently in writing.  I've learned a little better balance now, so that I am not sacrificing everything else in the name of my art.  Perhaps it's also that I like having something be my "master", to give me focus, and far-reaching goals to always work towards.  I am never just drifting aimlessly in the ocean with no land mass in sight -- I am always rowing towards something, even if what I'm rowing towards always remains elusively just beyond the horizon.

I think, though, that playwriting is tapping into something within me in a way that nothing else ever has.  A truth comes out of me and onto the page, a truth that resonates with people.  I seem to have found a way to share my authentic self, to connect with people through my writing in a way that was elusive to me as a performer.  It definitely happened when I was performing, too, but those moments were fleeting and far too few.  I won't go into the myriad of reasons why I think this might have been the case - but I love that I don't seem to be fighting that same struggle anymore.  When I write, it just happens.  And so I want to do more.  And more.  And more.

And that, my friends, is why I bought myself an iPad.  How's that for a justification?
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