Monday, April 26, 2010

Day 100: Meditation attempt #2

By George, I think I've got it!

I organized my week again to have the full day on Sunday to focus on writing.  I squeezed other things (like website updating, email sending, and blog writing) into those little one hour blocks during the week, instead of trying to squeeze my playwriting into those blocks.  The rewards I am reaping from this new approach are tremendous.

I got started around 1pm, after - for the first time in ages - managing to sleep in and spend a leisurely morning with my boyfriend.  I then cleared my writing environment, lit a candle, put a pillow on the floor, and set my timer for 20 minutes of meditation.  I began my meditation with an image my therapist had helped me find: a "protector" persona on my left shoulder, holding the cable with which my "emotional depth explorer" persona could repel down into my core, searching for whatever emotions she might find without the fear of getting lost there. 

I sank so deep so fast, it startled me.  Almost instantly images of the characters in my play were flooding my mind, and a scene started to play itself out for me like a movie.  I broke into sobs at several points as the emotions flowed through me like waves.  I realize that normally one strives for a quiet mind while meditating, but the work my subconscious was doing for me was not to be dismissed.  The 20 minutes were gone in a flash, without the customary crick in my back or numb and tingling foot.  I went instantly to my computer and began writing down everything I had just seen.

The scene itself completely took me by surprise.  Suddenly Frank is in the kitchen, contemplating a palm full of pain pills and talking to the ghost of his dead wife.  Where did that come from?  It feels very deep and very real to me, as if it were something I had experienced, even though it is not at all inspired by real events in my life.

I am excited (and a little nervous) to hear my class' reaction to the scene tonight.  But mostly, I am just delighted that I have found a way to approach my writing that brings me so much satisfaction.  I seem to be finding a much better balance in my life right now, and everything from my work to my personal life to my creative life is benefiting. 

I want to remember this feeling the next time my life falls out of whack, as I'm sure it will.  But these tools I'm acquiring will help me get back in balance all that much faster.
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