Friday, February 5, 2010

Day 22: Parental Responsibility

I just tried to schedule a dinner with my pregnant friend for 2 weeks from now. I was informed that she will be at 37 weeks at that point, and since that is technically full-term and she could go into labor at any point, she isn't scheduling anything out of the house from then on. Hard to believe how quickly this all is coming, and how much my friends' lives (and to a drastically lesser extent mine) are going to change in the next month once this little beast comes into the world. The baby will take all priority, as it should.

Which got me thinking. Today I went to the Actors Connection to learn more about what they do to help actors get work. I've been wondering if there are ways I could dip my toes back into professional performing waters again -- ways that would fit within the confines of the rest of my life (my jobs, my writing, my boyfriend, my friends, etc). Each of these things is practically its own full-time pursuit -- how do I decide where to put my time and energies? Writing, performing, teaching, my personal life -- how do I balance it all?

The main reason I don't have kids is that, back when I actually wanted them, I wanted to wait until my singing career was established before I had them. I was afraid I would resent my kids for keeping me from being able to fully pursue my career, and that is not fair to them. By the time it didn't make sense to wait any longer, I didn't want kids anymore. Thank god for that, given what became of my marriage.

But back to the point: I am now "pregnant" with this play -- I've made a commitment to this project. I feel a sense of responsibility to it. This "baby" deserves my time and attention. I don't want it to be neglected. I don't want to get sidetracked by endless other pursuits, as wonderful as they are (and as good at them as I may be). So am I ready to say I'm going to focus on writing instead of performing? Am I ok with that?

I don't know. But I think for the next 9 months, I owe it to this little beast I'm creating (and the creative beast within me) to give it my attention. The performing will still be there if I decide to focus my energies back on that. I can satisfy that itch with smaller things like the Opera on Tap gig I did this week, and performing with Kat now and then. At least, that's the plan for today.


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