Missing: Drive, maniacal. Last seen 11-2-2010 in the vicinity of my brain.

Well hello, blog.   Sorry I haven't stopped by in awhile.  I've been a little preoccupied settling into my new self-employed life, and dealing with a whopper of a respiratory infection the last week and a half.  My immune system apparently decided to relax a bit along with the rest of me -- and I guess I can't really blame it.  I managed to make it through most of the last insane year without really getting sick, for which I am very grateful.  Though I'm ready to be better now.  Any day now.  Yes, please.

I am looking at 2011 and wondering what is in store for me.  I don't feel nearly as focused as I did at this point last year, when I had just begun this project and was blogging almost every day.  But I do have some goals for 2011, and since I find that publicly stating goals helps me stick to them, here there are:

• finish a rewrite of Breaking Pairs by Feb 15th (if possible!)
• grow my studio by at least 5 more regular students
• write one or two new short plays to submit to festivals
• explore the idea I have for a musical
• train for and complete a 100 mile bike ride next fall

I've set a few things in motion already: I met with my playwriting coach and I have a clear idea of where I want to go with my rewrite; I have workshops and free seminars scheduled for my voice studio;  I've signed up for a Libretto 1 class at Primary Stages to help teach me how to get started on writing the book for a musical; I applied to two artist residencies for the summer; I'm exercising regularly (when I'm not sick) to keep in shape until the weather warms up enough to bike again.  So I know I'm on the right track.  And yet....

Where is my drive?  That crazy the drive I felt all last year, the drive that got me out of bed at 6am to write for an hour before going to work, that kept me up til 1 or 2 am writing many nights, that wouldn't let me turn on something on netflix instead of being creative.  It, like my immune system, seems to have gone on vacation.  I miss it.  I want it back.  My boyfriend assures me I haven't lost it, that I'm still just recovering from the craziness of last year, that I'm still exhaling from holding my breath for so long.  I sincerely hope he's right.  Otherwise I'm going to find myself in the position of having to figure out how to do the thing that so many people assume I do all the time: kick my own ass.  But the reality is, I rarely have to kick my own ass.  It's historically a much bigger challenge for me to slow down than it is for me to gear up.

So, here I go.  I begin with this humble blog post, and hope to slowly ramp up to full drive-mode over the next few days as I finally recover from this stupid cold.  I'll keep you posted.