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Standing in my (postage-stamp-sized) kitchen the other night, talking with my best-boyfriend-ever as I prepared dinner, I declared:
I am a playwright.
This may seem like an overly obvious thing to declare, when I have been labeling myself as a playwright for a few years now. But it was a recognition of where I see myself right now, and, most importantly, where I want my priorities to lie.
I have been musing lately (silently and aloud) that I fear that, by pursuing all these different creative avenues I love at once (acting, writing, singing), I risk doing none of them well. But then I meet people who manage to do more than one thing - to be both successful actors and writers, for example - so I keep trudging forward, hoping that i can be one of those people who does it all.
And one could argue that I am one of those people, I *am* doing it all. BUT. But i am not doing any of these things - acting, singing, writing - at a professional level. I speak not of the quality of my work (I'll let others determine that) but in the literal sense that I am not making money from my endeavors. I am not achieving any level of commercial success.
I'm ok with that as an actor and a singer at this point in my life. I'd like to be on Broadway, sure, but I'm not really interested in doing all the work it takes - the endless slogging to auditions and networking with casting directors and such - to get there. I'm content to do readings, and little shows at ESPA, and hope for the occasional opportunity like I had last year when a writer friend asked me to perform her piece.
But I am not content with that when it comes to my writing. Especially not this play. I quite honestly feel that this play is the greatest achievement of my life to date, and I want it to live. Out there, in the world, on stages, maybe even in movie houses. This baby I have created deserves every bit of attention and focus and drive I can devote to it and more. It deserves to run and play in the sunlight, to be known by the world. Like many parents do with their flesh-and-blood children, I will give up my own ambitions for success to allow my baby to flourish.
Oh how I can't wait to share this baby with you all as she grows up. She is going to be beautiful.
