It's the effort that matters

I did a killer bike ride yesterday.  While only 46 miles (no longer a big distance for me), it was incredibly hilly, climbing over 4100 feet.  There is one particularly nasty hill that is a full mile long and very steep, as well as many other less-evil-but-still-tiring hills.  It is the only ride in my repertoire that actually scares me.  I have done it twice now -- I went 10 miles further this time than the last -- and neither time was entirely sure how I was going to make it.  But I did.

My boyfriend doesn't find this route nearly so challenging.  At one point in the latter part of the ride as I was huffing and puffing and struggling to barely go 6 miles an hour up a hill, I uttered something self-pitying and silly about how he must see me, how ridiculous I must look struggling so hard to do something that is so easy for him.  And he said: "I see someone trying very hard to do something.  And I think that's great.  It's the effort that matters.  Which do you respect more in your students?  Someone who is a natural at singing or someone who really works hard at it?"  Touche. 

I wish I knew why that is so easy for me to see and respect in other people, but not in myself.  I don't give myself credit for how hard I try at something unless I actually succeed at it.  Because if I don't succeed, then clearly I have not tried hard enough, right?  Well, maybe not.  There are so many other factors that come into play (not the least of which is how one actually defines success).  Maybe my body can only take me so far in cycling, maybe I just never quite got the lucky break as a singer. 

I am not currently succeeding at the goal I set for myself in June to write in this blog three times a week.  I seem to be in a mode right now where my priority is my body.  I am spending a lot of time on my cycling, I have added yoga into my routine as a counter balance to that (for which my muscles are very grateful), I have decided to lower my Weight Watchers goal weight by a few pounds.  All of that takes more hours in the week and more mental focus, which is leaving me less time and mental energy for writing.  But I haven't given it up entirely, I am still trying.

I can't hear the word "trying" and not think of yoda's "do or do not, there is no try".  Well, in this case, I'm going to count the trying as the doing.  I am writing, just not as much as I would like; I am riding, just not as fast or as far as I would like, yet.  I'm pretty confident I'll get there, but either way, I am putting in the effort.

See you again soon, I hope, even if not quite three times a week.